“I eventually realized my struggles were more over my need to figure out who was right—is ‘anger our real enemy’ as the Dali Lama says or is it more important to create space/acceptance for all human feeling? So I’m not trying to figure out who has it more figured out anymore, but I do wonder how [there are some] who truly do not believe animalistic rage is part of the human condition? Is that always a defense?  Could it just be reality—someone with a well-developed “middle prefrontal cortex” might not experience rage?”” Perhaps the Dalai Lama views anger as the “real enemy” because he may associate it with the violent and brutal actions of humans towards each other. Yet I can’t imagine that he and the tragically slaughtered monks in Tibet would not have preferred a strong defense of their lives, which would have required considerable aggressive force with roots in feelings of outrage. Soldiers entering battle to protect those brutalized monks would not be  feeling love in their hearts towards their enemy. Anger/rage originates as a PROTEST against abuse, cruelty, abandonment, wrenching loss, violations of freedom, exploitation and all that inflicts suffering upon humanity. Rage only becomes sociopathic when no successful connection is ever actualized and the feeling transmutes into self loathing and self punishment.

When rage is OBSERVED through the eye of pure awareness, as it is in ISTDP, we discover that it is a powerful, pure energy, fast and furious, that begins with the child’s desire to destroy cruel and rejecting forces that create separation from loved ones. Throughout life, it can serve to protect both oneself as well as innocent others. It is OUTRAGE that has led to civil rights and every freedom that we enjoy today. Anger and rage are emotions hard wired into our brains (I choose to believe not by accident) with impulses that flow through our bodies. Do we want to transcend the urges to ACT OUT these feelings in destructive ways? Absolutely! ISTDP will help us to do that! Do we want to turn away from all experience of anger as it occurs spontaneously within our bodies and completely detach from it? I wouldn’t want this in life as we know it. Anger has been my friend in more ways than I can count. I won’t bore you with the details, but take my word for it. Has it been a problem in my life? Yes, but only when acted out or insufficiently processed.

Daniel Goleman writes in his book, Emotional Intelligence,“Buddhist philosophy tells us that all personal unhappiness and interpersonal conflict lie in the ‘three poisons”: craving, anger and delusion. It also provided antidotes of astonishing psychological sophistication-which are now being confirmed by modern neuroscience. With new high-tech devices, scientists can peer inside the brain centers that calm the inner storms of rage and fear. They also can demonstrate that awareness-training strategies such as meditation strengthen emotional stability- and greatly enhance our positive moods.”

Davanloo’s ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy) is a meditative practice in that it instructs us to be fully attentive to our internal experience within the context of the present relational moment. Rather than repeating a mantra or visualizing a candle, we are paying exquisite attention to every nuance of feeling, bodily awareness, and relational phenomena occurring moment to moment in the therapy session. The Buddhist type of meditation is known to promote healing of various medical conditions and to reduce stress (i.e. anxiety). ISTDP is a type of meditation that also promotes healing, lessens anxiety and leads to greater relational fulfillment. In regards to the latter, it is unsurpassed by anything else with which I’m familiar. I know of no other practice that focuses so intently or investigates so thoroughly emotional phenomena and emotional closeness. A young client described her newfound closeness with friends in which the rawest part of herself are now able to be shared as “transformational” and leading to an embracing, secure kind of love.

If “craving,” as mentioned above, refers to our addictions and compulsive defenses, then I agree that such “craving” is a poison. If by “craving,” the reference is to that which causes us to long for (healthy) attachment and love, I do not view this as poison but rather as the greatest of all gifts. It is necessary to long for healthy attachment to make possible its fulfillment (ask anyone who has sought and worked on a relationship), while at the same time face grief to heal from its passing…i.e. letting go.

Another thought on anger as a poison or “the enemy”: A colleague of mine is a follower of the Dali Lama and sponsored an intimate evening at a home in the Hollywood hills to host one of  the Lama’s monks, a close associate who was traveling with him while he was in L.A. As the monk sat erectly in crimson and gold robes on a living room sofa, we expected an amazing, intimate chat. Instead, the monk began a tedious, endless, dry, monotone treatise on Buddhist philosophy. The group became increasingly restless and bored, as bodies twisted and turned. The monk did not appear to be aware of the growing frustration in the room. I felt sad and disappointed that this monk was clearly unable to make a connection with the people present, appearing quite emotionally detached, and the group left downcast. I believe that there was loss for both the monk and the group. Had the anger been identified and responded to, an entirely different, life-enhancing experience might have occurred. Detachment does not foster relationship although quiet awareness does! I believe that the group’s anger was due to lack of contact, a PROTEST against emotional distance. Humans do crave connection to each other, but I shudder to imagine a world in which such cravings didn’t exist.

A friend also comes to mind who was heavily involved in transcendental meditation for years. When she experienced a traumatic loss, she turned to her meditation teachers and they became distant and detached which traumatized her further. She started a long road back to healthy relatedness through therapy.

There are many sublime realms to which we have the privilege to enter and one has only to attend a transcendent concert or surpassing theatrical production or read the words of Abraham Lincoln to experience this truth. But try to imagine any of these experiences without emotions? If you try to pick and choose the emotions you want, I predict they will ALL be STUNTED.  Feelings like thoughts just ARE. We are always wise to observe them and to notice their manifestations in our bodies. We are then free to choose whether to act upon them or not and whether they deserve further focus or not. What a lifeless world this would be without our emotions, ALL of them…something like what I experienced with the detached monk! IN CONCLUSION, I FEEL PROFOUND GRATITUDE TO BOTH THE DALAI LAMA AND DAVANLOO FOR IMMENSELY ENRICHING OUR LIVES.