DEVELOPING TRUST IN THE POWER OF SELF-REFLECTIVE PROCESS
July 12th, 2014 adminUPCOMING EVENTS:
Penetrating Defenses to Awaken the Self with Susan Warshow and Jon Frederickson September 27th and 28th, Los Angeles
LACPA Continuing Education Series Working with Emotionally Defended Clients November 15th, Los Angeles
Milton Erickson Foundation Brief Therapy Conference Susan presents December 11, Orange County
DEVELOPING TRUST IN THE POWER OF SELF-REFLECTIVE PROCESS
I had a profound session this past week that once again demonstrated to me the power of building self-reflective capacity.Perhaps too often, we over emphasize intense emotional unlockings and under value the healing power of awareness of internal processes that harm the self, alongside the will to transcend those automatic, often unconscious, habits. This in no way is meant to diminish the immense value of depth emotion processing, but rather to consider the curative impact of pure awareness and will in relation to separating the self-enhancing from self harming aspects of the self.
My client came in severely regressed, weeping frequently, distrusting me, her husband and others, projecting her own relentless self attack, and fraught with anxiety. At times we focused intently on her devaluation of me and also of herself and her husband. She never wanted to acknowledge the progress we’d made together as she was highly suspect of it. Likewise, she didn’t want to acknowledge the caring of others towards her and was dismissive of anything good coming her way… or of anything good within herself.
It is always exceedingly gratifying to see the development of sense of self in a person in relatively short time. This female client became able to observe her projections and now challenges them, i.e. she has been able to see how she fuels her fears as a result of her projections that others disapprove of her or wish her harm… and she now actively intervenes when those projections occur and checks out reality instead. She is also intervening with her splitting defenses… seeing that neither of us is perfect and that she can make space for what is good and also what is limited in each of us. Therefore, she does not re-traumatize herself by robbing herself of an imperfect but still valuable relationship with me and most especially, with her husband. Essentially, she is becoming an acute observer of any self-harming parts of herself and applies her will to intervene.
It’s been a long time coming for me to trust in the power of this type of self- awareness. Therapists often feel like they have to move mountains or lift loads of bricks, but really we do something that is, in one sense, simple. We hold a light to what is revealed in a moment. We say, “Oh, so there is shame rising. Shall we look at this together?” (Differentiating adaptive shame from shame involving self attack or projection). Or “Shall we attend to this anxiety so it doesn’t continue to paralyze you?”
If our goal is to help others develop the most comprehensive awareness of their own processes, so that they may work with the moving parts within themselves to the greatest advantage, the therapist must have a (good enough) broad knowledge of the diverse phenomena that presents itself in a session…i.e. recognizing all of the defenses and all manifestations of shame, anxiety and guilt. Otherwise, how can we shine a light if we don’t know what we’re shining it on?
And then there is perhaps the most challenging part, which is our willingness to openly acknowledge reality with our clients… to share the truth of what we see in those we seek to help (assuming we have explicit permission to do so) and also to be aware of and guided by our own immediate experience (are we bored, anxious, experiencing an attack, shaming ourselves etc.).
But my central point in this post is that we seek to have FAITH that our work to heighten self-awareness (simply providing a caring mirror for the phenomena we witness, with fully informed consent!) and to stimulate the will to be actively kind and compassionate towards the self has enormous healing power… more than many of us can imagine. I overworked, overreached, and took on excessive responsibility. It is my hope that my own experience may help reduce the suffering incurred by other therapists. Probably the greatest challenge was to be able to step aside and trust that this healing force is at work when we shine the light with accurate attunement to what is occurring in the moment. When the client chooses to join us in this awareness, the results can be breathtaking.
REFLECTIONS ON 8th IEDTA CONFERENCE
I recently returned from the 8th International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association’s biennial conference in DC, a dependably outstanding experience. It was a great privilege to be a presenter among master clinicians from around the world, many showing exceptionally powerful recorded sessions, including riveting work with a gang leader, a hard core drug addict, and an explosive, alienated and detached cardiologist. All were deeply moved by the remarkable levels of emotional intimacy that were achieved and the significant internal shifts that followed, validated by the client’s poignant words. I thank everyone who created this event, most notably Jon Frederickson and Kristin Osborn. I’m grateful for all the touching, meaningful encounters with other therapists who were so kind, inquisitive, openly sharing, and genuine in their acknowledgements. Unforgettable experience. For more info, go to IEDTA.net.
